'Get a divorce. For his sake': Wife asks husband to quit dream job since he's bringing in less money despite him covering her student loans for years

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Jul 3, 2024 3:00 PM EDT

Not everyone is cut out to be married to an artist. You might admire their creativity and find them fascinating, but when it comes time to feed the bulldog, you might have some resentments. Sharing finances is hard in any couple, but it's exceptionally more difficult when one of you is more dependent on the other's help. Even if one of you is making more than enough for both of you, there can still be resentment that bubbles up when you're asked to share. It can be hard to determine how much to share, who pays for what, and how to make everybody happy while doing so. 

That's the situation this couple was in when one of them finally got their dream job, though it was a job that paid way less than they were used to. But instead of supporting, they found themselves arguing, and commenters had a lot to say about how the wife was reacting.

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10369171200
    via Andrik Langfield
  • 02
    Posted by u/Kitchen-Page-2111 15 hours ago AITA for telling my husband he needs to quit his dream job?
    via u/Kitchen-Page-2111
  • 03
    So I (32F) and my husband (29M) live in an area with an extremely high cost of living. I work a job that pays decently well, which is kind of necessary to live where we do. My husband worked a job for years that paid less than mine did, but was okay overall, though he absolutely hated working there.
    via u/Kitchen-Page-2111
  • 04
    Around October of last year, my husband managed to get a job in his dream career field. He had been working at it for years, and was really excited about finally getting there.
    via u/Kitchen-Page-2111
  • 05
    The big issue is, the pay in his field is abysmal. He works as a freelancer (which is standard in his industry) so his job has zero benefits, and it's a pretty significant pay cut from his old job.
    via u/Kitchen-Page-2111
  • 06
    We don't have combined finances, and after he took the new job, we had to rearrange how we pay for things to account for his lower income. Previously, he had covered a slightly larger percentage of the expenses due to me having student loans to pay off while he didn't. As it is now, I have to be the breadwinner since his income was basically halved, paying for a larger portion of the expenses.
    via u/Kitchen-Page-2111
  • 07
    I sat him down recently and told him I felt he needed to quit his job and find a better-paying field because it just wasn't feasible. He got upset, since like I said, this is something he's dreamed of for years and worked really hard to get, which I understand. But I just feel this isn't fair to me. We've had to cut back on a lot of things and there's not really any sign of a pay increase at this point. I feel like I'm carrying him.
    via u/Kitchen-Page-2111
  • 08
    He offered to get a part-time job on the side, but I know anything he could get that would be feasible for him while keeping his current job wouldn't provide much. He suggested we move somewhere less expensive, to which I said absolutely not, since we'd have to go quite a ways to find something in that range and it'd mean ridiculously long commutes to my work and being further away from my family. He offered to have his parents help, which I don't want because it's not a long-term solution.
    via u/Kitchen-Page-2111
  • 09
    He's extremely upset, and I understand it, because I know he worked hard to get here. If he quit now, it'd basically kill his career and it would be extremely hard for him to get another shot at this job. It's not like we're struggling, which is true, we can pay rent and put food on the table, but I hate feeling like this. I
    via u/Kitchen-Page-2111
  • 10
    work long days at a rather difficult job, while he works from home doing something he did before as a hobby and only makes half as much money now. My point is that it's not like he has to stop doing what he does altogether, since as I mentioned, he did it as a hobby beforehand, but he's upset because he said this is the only thing he's ever wanted to do career-wise and giving it up now would mean he likely never would be able to make it work.
    via u/Kitchen-Page-2111
  • 11
    AITA? I understand this is important to him but I'm starting to resent him because I feel like the burden of our finances are being placed on me and we've had to cut back on a lot of things.
    via u/Kitchen-Page-2111
  • 12
    ReviewOk929. 15 hr. ago Previously, he had covered a slightly larger percentage of the expenses due to me having student loans to pay off while he didn't So he worked for years helping to pay off your student loans in a job he hated.....
    via u/ReviewOk929
  • 13
    As it is now, I have to be the breadwinner You don't like being the breadwinner???? I sat him down recently and told him I felt he needed to quit his job
    via u/ReviewOk929
  • 14
    So whilst he was slaving away at a job he didn't like, no hated, you were ok but as soon as the boot is on the other foot it's a problem???? It's not like we're struggling Hold the phone it's not a problem.....Yeah YTA
    via u/ReviewOk929
  • 15
    Fun_Charge_8311 . 15 hr. ago YTA it would be one thing if his pay cut had made it so you were truly financially struggling. But from what you said, you're not.
    via u/Fun_Charge_8311
  • 16
    Isn't it more important for your husband to be happy and fulfilled by his work than to have some extra luxuries? Also, it sounds like he's trying to find compromises, and you're not.
    via u/Fun_Charge_8311
  • 17
    DgShwgrl 13 hr. ago The part that gets me is, she is refusing to entertain ANY compromise. The man has landed a dream job and as soon as he's not bringing in extra (loved that she couldn't contribute equally because she has a debt, not because her income was lesser) he's got to go back to being miserable to make her happy?
    via u/DgShwgrl
  • 18
    ParkerPoseyGuffman 15 hr. ago YTA lol the hypocrisy
    via u/ParkerPoseyGuffman
  • 19
    StrengthWithLoyalty ⚫ 12 hr. ago Worst part was the I sat him down As though he were her child. Talk about a superiority complex. What a poor guy. Finally gets his dream job and he's even offering to get a second job to keep his wife happy. Brutal....
    via u/StrengthWithLoyalty
  • 20
    therivereverflows 14 hr. ago YTA "I feel like im carrying him" The way he carried your student loan riddled years? for
    via u/therivereverflows
  • 21
    rickyshartin 15 hr. ago YTA. Sounds like this is a stepping stone job. You're both relatively young in life. and career. I'm operating under the assumption there are no children yet given you didn't mention them. Give the man some time. If you don't, he'll resent you for the rest of your lives or time together
    via u/rickyshartin
  • 22
    fly1away 13 hr. ago • So... you want your husband to leave the job he loves, go back to a job he hates, so you can keep living in your fancy house. Get a divorce. For his sake. YTA.
    via u/fly1away

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long term relationship salary relationship advice healthy marriage aita relationship marriage sharing finances finance artist marriage-drama relationships finances freelance marriage advice Reddit money toxic relationship
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